此时此刻的心情

我又想不开了

我又不开心了

真希望那一天

你能快点出现

把我从深洞里救出来

我不想在继续住那边了。。

你快点出现，带我进另一个世界，好吗?

阿嬷去找阿公咯!!

 我的阿嬷，是真真从中国来的客家人。也许以前家境也是非常普通，也可说是穷吧! 哪有像现在我们这么好命，每天都吃饭肉。甚至看到都怕了。所以，阿嬷都吃健康的，不油腻的，这让她到了七十多岁才的糖尿病。八十多岁还去动割胆石手术。而且，伤口是比我们想象的痊愈的还快。再之后，她也慢慢得了老人痴呆症。每天重复一样的话。就像‘阿辉’(钱不够用2)都被问了不耐烦。慢慢的，阿嬷体内的功能也迅速下降。任何食物的养分都不能被身体吸收。就只好把它吐出来。看到都很可怜。。。

现在，她已经走了，去找25没见到的老伴。。希望阿公会好好照顾阿嬷。

嬷阿，安息咯。。保佑我考试顺顺利利。。

KL,GENTING,PENANG,convocation,IPOH & CAMERON HIGHLAND!!!

15th Oct 2008

Tick Tock Tick Tock.. 12.00pm lo.. Yeah! I was so happy la, because I prepared myself to KL lo..Hehe! Bring my bag down to the cafe from my office, and wait Moo Moo come and bring me to Kch airport. I lunch at there, order Sambal rice..eh..not bad oh..quite delicious, jz it is quite hot lo..but i stil like the sambal very much..cos it is really delicious..Sayang la, forget take the picture, ah bo neh, can intro to u lo..haha

After lunch, I rushed to boarding lo. While i was walking to the gate 2, notice that no ppl sat on the chair wor.. si liaw la, i tot everyone already go inside the plane liaw..who know, ‘AKXXXX, change to gate 6′ walau eh, buat saya run there again. Wah…while i walked so fast to the gate, jz felt weird on my feet there. ‘Dop, dop, dop…’ Oh my god, my sport shoes was ’singing’ and ’speaking’.. yeah..sound so nice tim… at that time..my fire was firing on my head liaw lo.. lucky my bag got spare slippers, so rushed into the toilet and THReW the ‘SPEAKING SHOES’ into dustbin, then walked out wif my pink pink slippers..Sitting on the chair and wait all the queue ppls pass thru the ticket person..then i jz stood up and went inside.. my first day.. so soi liaw..haha..

On the plane..the whether not that good. This time, again, the plane was shaking and we all dancing in the plane.. high low, high low.. so song and excited lo.. and i almost pengsan liaw.. cos i scare take plane la.. yet i was alone… uh uh uh.. ok lo, while shaking and dancing.. we landed 2ominutes earlier. Big rain there, and the AirAsia ladder no yet Drove Here to Kiss the Exit Door, so we waited in the plane.. i think i almost spent more than half an hour inside the plane.. so relaxing (from dancing jz now) and see the raining scene outside.. then, wait all the ppl went off from plane, i jz slowly went behind them.cos i no rush ma..haha…

Step in the LCCT, direct rush to the toilet. cos i really beitahan le, cold whether and drink too much water kua.. oh.. so comfortable..hehe.. then stand at the exit there.. wait my erzhu, ah feng feng, she fly from Kota Bharu, Kelantan. Wen we met up, really happy lo.. almost one yr le.. no meet up..so miss and almost huge liaw..but no la..cos a big bag infront of her.. can’t huge..wahahhaah..and we took SKYBUS..but cn’t fly de bus.. to kl central.. meet Miss Gu Sai Yee… hehe.

Wen reach lcct, again, both of us rush to toilet again, and i suddenly remember Ah O ah.. she wil accross kl central also..haha, quick quick called her.. ask her to meet me there.. lucky, Miss Gu Sai Yee no yet come and Ah O come liaw.. then i can meet this mu zhu.. wahaha..happy la.. then she direct come and ask kolomee, siobee, laksa from me wor.. *sweat* la..bobian lo, who ask me ever promise to find her and i put her aeroplane la..so now got contract wif her lo.. wen she come back to kch.. need chia her liaw la.. hahha..ah o..wait u back nia..neh neh neh neh neh….

Ms Gu Sai Yee (wah this name so long, short form for her Ms Sai..waha) come le, then we take monorail here n there.. big rain oh.. really big rain.. so we go to meet turtle, eng eng and sifu at other monorail station.. wah..tat Ms Sai ah.. say want down off the monorail and meet them and go up monorail together lo.. then me n feng feng quick quick jump down off the monorail, lucky i kepoh, c here n there.. n saw turtle gang go up the monorail tat we took jz now.. then me n feng2  jump up the monorail again.. wah.. so excited ah.. chanllenging.. really thank to Ms Sai lo.. ahhahahhahah…

so long.. need go back le.. continue 2ml.. hhahahha..

end of part one..half half..thank for viewing..

Hehe..continue my long story..PART II

Me, erzhu, Ms Sai, Turtle, Eng2 n sifu sama2 take the monorail to Maluri station. Hiao may already wait us at there more than half hour le, i think maybe near 1 hour liaw lo..hehe. lucky this time she no scold us la, cos we so long no meet liaw, talk also no time la, stil want scold us mei..wahahah..paisei ah hiao may..then, we walked to Ms Sai apartment. Threw our bag into her room and again, i rush to take my bath lo, cos i kena hujan la.. Need quick take bath lo, if not, later i sick stil need attend my convo.. ma so torture? haha.. then, now… only left Ah Kwong(3zhu) not yet arrive lo. Bus from JB to KL jam cos flood. Ms Sai n Hiao May go to the pudu station wait her, and the rest of us..go shopping at Jaya Jusco lo.. Buy some food ah, cos we were starving… err.. gulu gulu.. haha..

While we were eating our snack (i was eating sushi,,song ah), waiting 3zhu come lo..we sat near the exit of the monorail there.. quite look like few beggars there..wahaha..but ho mia beggars la..cos got sushi de..hehe. then after 3zhu arrive ah, we go supper(actually is our dinner) lo..but cos i ate sushi le.. so… no much appetide want eat liaw la..so cin cai eat lo..then back to Ms Sai apartment le..

That night.. time of EXCHANge PRESENT among accounting student is coming. so, turtle, eng2, hiao may n I take out the present and give to each of them.. so each of us wil got 3 presents from others.. haha, so happy la.. all so cute and beautiful present. so meaningful. besides la,, BBa BiBm + Com student also got gave us present lo.. and i got 2 pigs la.. haha. bo bian lo, i look like a pig..sure they wil help me increase my family members lo..wahahah..really thank a lot to you..(Ms Sai, Sifu, 2/3/xiao zhu, chili n jio ang) really miss you all and thank your wish to me.. hope we can meet again la..

that night.. we slept on living room.. 8 of us.. happily..

(during our sleeping.. turtle hand keep pressing eng2 head oh.. wakakakaka).. 

nite nite..

我好像被误会了。。

因为他的作品，我非常欣赏他。但，欣赏不代表喜欢或爱啊?

?

我想和他作个朋友，因为很想了解拍摄技巧。但，我好像被block掉了。。很伤心，我真的真的很伤心。是不是我太多问题了?

好不甘心，只是崇拜他，却被遭到这样的对待。。就像一个偶像突然去骂一个很欣赏他的戏一样。。哦，我的天啊。。

了。。

难道就不能分享喜悦吗?

王80。。。

dream..

最近发现到一个人的照片，超酷的。。

也许那种拍法是在很多书刊都可看到。但身为普通人的我们，如能也可以拍到那一种水准，是多么让人羡慕啊。

他让我非常羡慕他，他可以做他爱做的事情，他的工作就是他的爱好，多幸运。。多享受。。永远都可以全心全意的做。。

看了他所拍的照片，也很希望可以自由自在的把自己的爱好和工作合为一体。。是多美好的事。。

?

因为我需要重新开始一切。。

?我能吗?

可能我是很理智的人，所以过不到自己那关

对我来说，

梦和未来，是两件互不相干的事。。

我的梦，只能让它继续，

永远都不能实现。。

I am ok..don worry..

Sunday, should be a very relax weekend…

But, I am so wasting it to lock myself in my bed room and facing to my computer screen play games, uploading…

THIS IS BECAUSE I AM NOT HAPPY…

My face is in ‘black’ colour, since this morning.. At this moment, I still cannot turn it back to ‘normal’ colour.. haih..suddenly found out i am a pessimistic person, think in bad, think in sad, think negatively…

I am stubborn, i think i am a person that cannot accept failure..

What i can do..all this is my choice.

want to sleep, cos tiring of showing black face also..other ppl see also sien..hate..even i also hate myself..

I REALLY HATE MYSELF…

a letter for u..

u know..i also really hope go the place with u guys..but since i know somebody will not going (because he/she is the one who always talk to me), so this is the first time i reject ur invitation. haha..

although, or maybe, i know some of them..but sure they not tat close to me if compare to my frens.. yet, when u out wif ur buddies and i also at there.. do u know tat, i am ignored. do u ever felt the feeling of being a transparent or glass?? maybe, i also do the same thing to others, so bcos our relationship was not tat close..somemore, i am not good in socialize..haih..

do u know tat, this is the first time i reject u without any sad feeling (at this moment),,haha..so happy with that. althought i will very regret tat i cannot go that such a very beautiful and attractive place..but what i know, if i go, sure i will more suffer and double times of regret. this is because i can’t share my happines with others..cos i am glass, u will not see my happiness and sadness..haha..so i am so alone without ….. and i will so alone when others are around..

so

that y i choose not to go with u and rather go OT or cook laksa lo.. haha..

hope u enjoy ur trip and take good care for it. ghost month le..hope u happy always..

and me too..happy always..

haha..

coward boyfriend..

有一對情侶，男的非常懦弱，做什麼事情之前都讓女友先試。女友對此十分不滿。

有一次，兩人出海，返航時，颶風將小艇摧毀，幸虧女友抓住了一塊木板才保住了兩人的性命。

女友問男友： " 你怕嗎？"男友從懷中掏出一把水果刀，說怕，但有鯊魚來，我就用這個對付它。女友只是搖頭苦笑。

不久，一艘貨輪發現了他們，正當他們欣喜若狂時，一群鯊魚出現了，

女友大叫：我們一起用力游，會沒事的！

男友卻突然用力將女友推進海裡，獨自趴著木板朝貨輪游去,並喊道："這次我先！"女友驚呆了，望著男友的背影，感到非常絕望。

鯊魚正在靠近，可是對女友不感興趣而徑直向男友游去，男友被鯊魚凶猛地撕咬著，他發瘋似地衝女友喊道：我愛你！

女友獲救了，甲板上的人都在默哀，船長坐到女友身邊說："小姐,他是我見過最勇敢的人。 我們為他祈禱！""

女友冷冷地說"不，他是個膽小鬼"。

"您怎麼這樣說呢？ 剛才我用望遠鏡看到你們，我清楚地看見他把妳推開後用刀子割破了自己的手腕 鯊魚對血腥味很敏感，如果他不這樣做來爭取時間，恐怕妳永遠不會出現在這艘船上

女生面對海風 , 眼淚不自覺流露:"你….為何……….."

其實 壞男人 和 好男人 不可只可看表面 ,通常會默默根耘即使對方不知道,直要對方好,他也會一直付出不求回報.但可惜的是一般的女性只會看表面而斷定一切,往往不知未來的幸福原本也在身邊經過而不把握 !

very touch… so hope even i will meet a coward guy as my boyfriend, sure don’t want go to sea which got shark la..cos i don want he sacrifice for me..by using his life…

i am very very very sorry…

To fellow friends
(who attended the farewell travelling during 2003 at sia beach)

I am very very sorry, i did not know the trip let you people so suffered.

As a organizer, i did not provide all needed facilities for you while joining the trip. Until you were so uncomfortable while joining the trip. Sorry, i am really really sorry. This is my fault, i admit that. I am not concerning about your condition that time, i am too selfish. I am really sorry.

Thank you for telling me this, if not until now i also did not know you people were so suffering at that time. And i still no prepared all needed facilities for you, and still stay in a very lousy house. Though, some of the friends still slept outside the house and stung by mosquitoes.  Oh my god. Why i am such a fool and waste you people money to join this trip.

I am such a bullshit and looser, how come i treat you people like that. Oh, i really hate myself, why during that time i am not concerning about you people. WHY? how stupid am i..This is so obvious, yet i still did not know what was going on… i am really sorry for my stupidness and selfishness.

I hope now i can do something to pay you back the suffering, hope i can do something for you. I am really guilty. I am not hoping you people to forgive me, because i should bear this responsible.

Again, I am very very very sorry for giving you the bad bad bad memories during stupid trip that i ever organized.

Sorry, my fellow friends…

Siew Mui

sad…tonight

li finish my practical, and complete my report…should be a happy and celebrate it? but..i feel not happy, a msg came and spoil my mood. but the problem not come from the msg, it is my problem. y? why i still cannot leave the thing that i should leave. i am stubborn. i know. i need to bear the suffer. it is my choice.

can i leave far far from here? can i? i hope, wish…can go far far away to stay in new environment, knowing new ppl, new job.. but i can’t do that,,,cos i have responsibility to take k of my parent. this is what i should do. money is not eveything, though money is important, family is the most important. so even i am quite suffer here,,i still need stay here and protect my family..bcos i love them.

tonight, is a lonely night, but a msg, make the lonely night become so silence.very quite..c

should i give up the thing that make me feel suffer? can i? but the prob is..caused by me..

actually nothing is happening…but i … i sad for nothing…

stupid, stubborn girl…